my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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