Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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