i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
