I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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