he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize