Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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