My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
