Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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