if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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