Already got asked if we're dating
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Shame - the story of my life.
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