Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
