after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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