Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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