Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My feet surprised me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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