hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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