she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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