I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
