i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
