Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
