Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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