I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
