About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
