The best revenge is premature balding
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
