I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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