so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
