You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize