After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
