Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Barsexuality is the new black.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
