You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
