I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize