What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
