It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
