I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
