I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
