vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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