At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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