Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
