i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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