I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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