you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
