She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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