i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
