I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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