Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
