you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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