new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
