Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
