like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize