Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
