sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
