smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
