We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
