the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
