So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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