Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
