So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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