K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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