my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
