felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
