I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
