I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
