I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
