im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
