This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
