see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
