hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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