therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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