Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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