He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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