Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
