it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
