So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
